To Hate a Hater

This reflection arose from a discussion on FB where homophobes (amongst others) were labelled assholes.

I was mildly homophobic (just fear, no hate that I can recall) when I was younger: this was in the era where it was thought that only gay sex transmitted AIDS. I don’t know how widely accepted this view was back then, but when my mother told me “don’t do it with men, you will get AIDS”, I believed it, even if I wasn’t quite sure what “it” was. I don’t think I was an asshole though; at least, not any more than I was for anything else.

I recognize that my journey — from being mildly homophobic to someone speaking up for LGBTIQ rights — was heavily influenced by the experiences I had. For example, I was actively involved in AIESEC for many years and that made non-discrimination on sexual orientation “normal” for me; I have several good friends who are gay, and — possibly most importantly — I didn’t grow up in a family/community with strong homophobic views.

I can also speculate on the possibility that, with a different set of experiences, my homophobia might have increased.

I find it unlikely that there is some inherent characteristic in me that would guarantee that I would never end up homophobic regardless of my circumstances and experiences.

I also believe that there is nothing inherently homophobic about most (if not all) people — although maybe there is some psychological/psychiatric basis for it, in which case they deserve to be helped to cope, just as much as anyone else facing mental health issues.

Understanding that homophobes are victims of their circumstances helps me to be (or at least, try to be) compassionate towards them.

If you are thinking, “I would never be homophobic regardless of the circumstances, because <insert reason here>”, see: When “Individual” Choice isn’t an “Individual’s” Choice

This post is Part 2 of The Mercury Rule series (Regular version, Medium app optimised version)

You may also be interested in my other writing on Education, Politics/Power, Ethics/Philosophy/Humanism, Parenting and “Lost in Translation”